11th December 2023

I was born today on Tuesday 11th December 2023 at 11 pm.

This one... this one was completely different. I have always had people around me. Family calling or me calling to blackmail them for birthday gifts. Cakes, sodas, chocolates, and outings.

For the past 8 years, my son has always been part of my day. He is in a much better place with my former true love this year. I believe it was my actual birthday gift to myself. The hardest decision l have had to make since... well... since. It's the right decision and that's what matters. I have a talent for putting his needs ahead of mine. At least it's what society has conditioned mothers to always do.

Back to my solo birthday. Last year l concluded l want a husband. I dumped my entanglement a month later and began the long journey of loving myself. I wasted a lot of time trying to get a man to love me when all l needed was to love me. Me is amazingly awesome. A whole year figuring me out and l have not graced the top.

I am a woman. A beautiful happy woman. Sometimes too happy. I have had too many responsibilities and every time am alone l just want to cry. Nowadays l cry more than before. It feels better afterward. At least once a week l have to remind myself to sit in my feelings. Cry if l have to, shout and scream all l want as long as l sit in my feelings. They then fade away. Being a grown-up is interesting.

My self-talk has improved massively. The way we live is full of so much noise. So, much a noise from society yelling at me. This is how you should live! You should wear this! Do not talk like that! The world is full of noise. The noise of who, where, what, how is deafening. It's fading. I can hear it from a distance.

I am Huini. I don't have a relationship with my father and l don't know my grandfather on either side. My family history starts and ends with me. I see two paths either l get married and have more children or be single till l die. There are more options than two. I will most likely get married, have children, and finance a children's home or a foundation to help children.

I am on the right track. Most times, I am on a roll. A few times am on the slow. Either way, l am okay.