Access Granted Valentine

All Christian holidays are a clean-up of the pagan worship that used to take place in Europe. I repeat in Europe not Africa nor Kenya. Valentine's is just another celebration created to mask the true idol worship going on. Making you focus on the things or activities happening outside our souls and hearts.

I have only celebrated Valentine's once. l understand the happiness of having a partner that you love and who loves you back. It's a day for women to get flowers, chocolate, and red teddy bears. It's a day that men have a 99% guarantee that they will have sex. It's a win-win for both. So, what changed between?

Firstly, there's the obvious. Knowledge comes before understanding. I can't say the exact year that l dived deep into the actual meaning of this love holiday. However, dive l did. I learned what it was originally meant for. How it was celebrated and the repercussions. It's poetic that l was conceived in February being a Sagittarius. Learning about the history of Valentine's did not change my need to celebrate instantly. Nah! Information needs to marinade for a while depending on how rooted the ignorance was.

The following year, I had my son and made the mom-boy gravest sin. I transferred all of my love to my son. For the next 10 years, so long as my son was with me, l felt loved unconditionally. So much so that Valentines came and went without me giving it much thought. When we started living in compounds l could plant vegetables or flowers he started picking flowers for me. He was so sweet to me. He is the only person that l love unconditionally. And what do you do for the people you genuinely love? We give them what they need to succeed and flourish. No matter how hard, you make sure they have what they need even when you are not what they need. True love comes with sincere sacrifice.

The older we get the more the word love becomes an illusion. Love is a very manipulative concept for both genders. When l was younger all l wanted was to spend time with my partner in bed. Hearing the words, "I love you," melted my heart. At 33, I want to pay my bills and monthly coitus. No one is coming to save me. It is the double-edged sword of growing older. The wisdom to choose better and the loneliness of knowledge.

Everything starts from within. You have to love yourself to love others. However, since childhood l have had an insecure attachment to people. Growing up l have felt immense rejection from family and friends. The irony is my rejection began in the womb and while pregnant my child experienced a similar rejection. I was 32 years old when l began honestly loving myself (accelerated by dating a psychologist for three months but that's a story for another day hopefully). It was terrible. Having to realize that l have been hurting myself. I only have myself to blame. It's something deeply conditioned in me. Recently, in an actual therapy session, l repeated like a broken record, "I do so much for everyone and no one does anything for me. I keep saying I am fine but most of the time l am not." The question that followed has taken me months to understand let alone answer. "Who am l to myself? Who am l to other people?" No one owes me anything.

Today, l have no excuse. I have to love myself. I learned to sit with myself, listen to my intuition, and be guided by my spirit. It's a journey that will end the day l die. So, for Valentine's, l do not celebrate but rather remind me that before others, l come first. Access granted to loving myself and not taking my love for granted.

Do not celebrate love for your partner if you do not love yourself first. The truth is, we fear loving ourselves genuinely. Why? If you are honest with yourself, you would not be with the person are with right now. If you truly love yourself you will not be with a man who has a wife or another girlfriend. You will not be with the woman who belittles you. You would not work in a company that does not value you. You would not be spending time with friends you have outgrown.

I have gotten to the fifth point or is it the sixth? Or is it my conclusion? I completely stopped celebrating Valentine's in 2022. Its meaning had completely faded away. We are playing the third wheel in the relationships we have. At the door watching yourself co-existing with another person. Valentine has ZERO value. What we all need to do is to love ourselves 100 times more. If you spare two minutes to read this post, spare 20 minutes just for you.